like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
