the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
