i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
