I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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