And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
