oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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