I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
