i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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