We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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