She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
