3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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