i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
