My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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