If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
