Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
