but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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