True but thats because hes a fetus.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
