They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
