The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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