Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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