i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
