Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
