i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
