he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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