All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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