just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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