Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
