She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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