Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
