I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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