why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
