It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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