I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
