hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
