i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
