In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
