I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just high enough for therapy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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