dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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