Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
