you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
