Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
