just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
