Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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