hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
