Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
