My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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