im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
