he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
