Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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