i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Still dying that you shit outside
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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