just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
