Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
