This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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