Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
