dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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