my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You did what with his pubic hair?
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