Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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