All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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