Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's always time for handjobs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
