I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
