Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
