we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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