all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
