Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
