my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
