are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
