so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
