I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
