I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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