I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
