how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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