I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
