i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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