I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
