I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
